June 2011
1 post
I routinely take on more than I can handle and with every “never again,” I’m really just taking a breath between my feats of odds-defying survival.
March 2011
2 posts
i’m tired of shouldering the weight of things i cannot control.
i'm a fucking wreck
everything’s a trigger
i feel like i’ve given up hope on myself
i want to just cry until things go away
this won’t solve anything
February 2011
7 posts
As I’m going through this overhaul, these quiet moments of intense unrest pass. In the maelstrom pounding my mind against itself, I almost spit out the words: “I hate my life.” These words are more true than I realized.
This is stupid
I didn’t even care about this stupid cash cow of a faux holiday (I swear).
I didn’t even care that I got fucking sick this weekend, was stuck in bed all of Sunday, missed the Young Leaders for Empowerment and Advocacy planning committee meeting, didn’t do my Take Back the Night responsibilities, fell behind on my work. No big, another Berkeley weekend.
But god...
my story is contained within every crack of my skin.
I hate where I am right now.
I feel lonely and stupid and helpless and small and weak and frail and could someone just hold me please?
I know I don’t want to be where I am. I know I want to be where you are. I know I can’t be where you are. I know I’m not going to stay where I am.
I don’t know where I’m going, exactly.
I change out of my pajamas and back into a pair of jeans, I grab my iPod and pack of Parliaments. My brisk walk to campus is a confused mix of whipping wind and surprise at the warmth of this particular Berkeley...